Half of Ramadan has passed and I wonder how. Amidst the sehri’s and iftar’s time has been running and I am chasing it. I stop to wonder if I have been doing enough to remeber Allah and if Im doing enough to please him and I realise I’m not. I am guilty of not being obedient enough and I want to ask him for forgivness.
Forgive me Allah for wasting my time on wordly pleasures where I could have been remebering you. Forgive me for not doing enough to serve mankind and instead focusing on my hunger and my iftar. Forgive me for not spending enough time teaching my daughter about you and instead doing homechores which could have been done later. I want forgivness for anything I did to displease you.
Managing a home, two small kids, being awake in the night while my toddler yells n cries due to teething I wake up a mess every morning. Tired exhausted and mentally numb I lack the motivation and energy to do anything. I tell myself I will do more everyday yet the kids and the home jusy take up most of my time. It is so difficult to explain to someone what takes up your time when you are a homemaker. Sometimes you cant even list the tasks. But at the end of the day i return exhausted to my bed and realise I didnt pray more or make more dua or do much more than I usually do. I guess all woman at home can relate to me. Sometimes its just difficult. Smaller kids drain the energy out of you and while you are fasting it gets even tuffer. I hope Allah shows us mercy and gives us the capacity to do more.
Tomorrow is a new day so I will try to do more. I want to make the most of this ramadan and I hope Allah helps me. I say a small prayer and before I know it my eyes are half shut and Im falling asleep after a long day.
Good night zzzzz