I worked for nine years before I gave birth to my daughter. I never knew what life was like being at home for I started working straight at the time I started university. It wasn’t planned and I don’t think it’s something any mother can plan or know for sure. Until you see that little angel’s face you call ‘your child’ you never know what you really want for your life. Same was with me. I took a maternity break and stopped working in my ninth month of pregnancy excited to welcome her in the last few days before she would arrive. It was exciting yet somewhere deep down I wanted to go back to work for I had never thought otherwise. When she finally arrived and I held her for the first time I never knew that not only was my daughter born that day but a mother was too. I became a mother to a beautiful little girl I named after an arabic surah from the Quran which means “morning light”. When I brought her home I still did not know what life was to become soon and how I was going to change as a person. But slowly as days passed and nights changed I transformed into a person I never knew I was. When my maternity break came to an end I looked at her one morning and she smiled at me. I held her tiny fingers in my hand and she clenched onto my finger. It was than that I knew what I really wanted from my life. I didn’t want to leave her. I wanted to be with her every second of this beautiful childhood she was about to step into. I wanted to be the first one to experience all of her milestones. I wanted to remember all these little joys her little feet would bring into my life and I wanted her memories to fill with me in them. I wanted her life’s journal to begin with me and her painted on each page. That is when I made my decision. I stepped in from being a working woman to a homemaker.
I resigned and I decided to dedicate the next few years to raise my little daughter. I gave up on my career, appraisals, promotions and many more self-worth raising opportunities that might have come in the corporate world. I remember my manager asking me “Are you sure you want to do this ? I mean there are many good daycares in this country, you can consider other options maybe a nanny? ” I smiled and replied ” I want my daughter’s memories to begin with her mother’s love and not with anybody else. I want her to start life in the safety security and comfort of her home and not a daycare. I want her to capture life’s beauty in relationships, in love and in harmony at home and for that I need to be around. I need to build the foundation of her personality with my words and my love and for that I need to be with her more than 3-4 hours a day which is what I would end up giving if I continued working. It was my choice. It was my priority at that time. It’s not about being right and wrong. This is not something anybody can categorize or define. It’s a personal choice and I made mine.
Today she is four years old and my day begins with getting her ready for school , arguing on why it’s important to wear P.E shoes today while my 17 month old holds onto my pajama’s mumbling ‘mama mama’. I grumble and grab onto him and hold him in my arms while I argue with my daughter to get ready on time. There are days she smiles and gets up in the most happy moods and I bid her a happy goodbye as she leaves for school and than there are days she shouts and argues and cries while I am angry morbid and frustrated. It’s a constant rollercoaster ride. My day begins amidst the chaos of shouting, laughing and lecturing and ends somewhere between changing diapers, reading bedtime stories and a little baby foot pushed across my face with a 4 year old hugging my leg. Yes there are day’s I feel worthless, unappreciated, exhausted and miss the corporate world. But when my little one rests on my shoulder on those tedious tiring and miserable days and whispers “I love you Mama” it all seems worthwhile. When I crash into bed at night and the visions of the previous day pass through my minds window in flashes of beautiful memories filled with giggles, laughter kisses and hugs , I know I made the right choice for myself. Life seems worthwhile and all the missing pieces fall into place. These are the moments I want to remember for the rest of my life. This is what makes my life complete. My children my home and my husband are my haven as is for many of you and I wouldn’t give up this life for anything else. Thank you god for little little things that make life so beautiful. Ameen