I remember watching my mother covered in a white dupatta praying for us. I have vague visions of her telling us how Allah descends from the heavens to see who is glorifying him in these nights. I remember from a very young age that these last ten nights of ramadan seemed magical to me. It meant you could ask for anything and you could have it. When I was 6 years old I heard from someone that on this particular night called “layla tul qadr” the whole world prostrates to Allah including buildings, trees, cars and objects. Everything in this universe living or not bows down to glorify the creator of this universe. Hence every year in these last nights I would sit beside the window looking outside hoping to catch a glimpse of this marvel that would take place on this magical night. I would sit by my window and stare at the dark starry night close my eyes and pray to Allah with all my heart that he let’s me witness this marvel. My prayers would only comprise of being allowed to witness this event How innocent we are as children, how pure our hearts are and how we hold our beliefs so strong. We do not know what we are asking for nor do we know what we really need.
As I grew up A few years later I was told that whatever you ask Allah of in these nights comes true without a doubt. Hence with a maturer vision of life than before I let go of the belief that I could ever witness a building prostrate and started focusing on asking of Allah what I needed most. The next few years every last ten nights of ramadan witnessed me asking Allah to bring my mother back. With all my might my prayers would wet the prayer mat as a 11 year old begging Allah to bring my mother back from the dead. Once again little did I know that what I was asking for was something that wasnt viable yet I silently prayed with a deep conviction that it would come true.
A few years later I matured out of that belief too only to realise people dont really come back after they die and stopped asking for it. I realised how innocent and naive I was asking for something which could never happen. I than started asking Allah to give me things I felt would complete me. I started asking and begging Allah to make my dreams come true for I wanted peace and I wanted perpetual hapiness. I asked Allah for friends and a partner and a home for I wanted contentment and I felt all of these would suffice in fulfilling my soul. As I grew I realised happiness was not in people and not in things or situations for even after Allah granted me with all those things I sought I still felt incomplete. I realised happiness was within me and that contentment meant being content with myself.
Today after so many years I finally know what to ask Allah for. I ask him for contentment. I ask him for forgivness. I ask him for courage and heart to find happiness in what he decrees for me. It took me 35 years to realise I was asking for the wrong things all these years of my life. Ramadan would come and go and every year I would ask for something which was either not viablr or something that I never really needed. Yet my lord was so merciful that he kept blessing me in hidden ways to reward me for the time I spent in prayers. I saw miracles in my life ; not cars prostrating in sajood but I witnessed miracles of belief. I witnessed so many miracles as he kept blessing me one after the other with things I never even asked for. He protected me, sent angels in forms of humans at every stage of my life making my life easier. The one point in my life I was in the deepest despair he miraculously brought surah dhuha in front of me as a promise that he never left me nor will forsake me. Truly there are miracles for those who believe in these ten nights.
Today I know that I am not capable of knowing what I need nor do I have the wisdom to know what is good for me. Hence I ask Allah to give me what he wants for me. I place his will for me above mine and I bow in prostration asking his forgiveness. I do not wish to see the world prostrate, I only wish to see myself prostrate in humility before my creator. I do not wish for Allah to bring my mother back from the dead instead I pray he unites me with her in heaven. I do not ask for the love of humans to complete me in this world instead I ask my Lord to fill my heart with his love and obedience. I do not asj for wordly possessions and instead ask to make me content with whatever he has blessed me with. I pray he lets me witness more of these miraculous nights so I can feel him so close to me.
It has taken me so many years to realise that we ask for wrong things and that we wonder why Allah doesn’t listen to us. These ten nights no doubt are an opportunity to ask to your lord for anything. Than why not ask for what we really need. Ask for his love, ask for forgiveness, ask for humility, ask for whatever he wills for us because only Allah knows whats best for us. Now when I stare out of my window in these ten nights I am not six years old anymore but my heart still holds the same belief in my lord. I know he is watching me and I know he loves me more than anyone and I know that one of these nights he will descend from heaven watch me pray and grant me all that I have ever desired if not here , in the hereafter. Make the most of these ten nights and ask for what you will. He is merciful and slowly he will put it in your hearts what you really need to ask for. These nights are truly a miracle and they hold signs for those who believe. May Allah grant us all the wisdom to see them.